Please Put Your Shirt On and Other Gym Etiquette Tips: An Open Memo to the Ladies of Equinox

I’ve been spending a bit more time at the gym lately due to a sudden and unexplained aversion to running in bad weather, which has made it apparent that the ladies who frequent the New York City Equinoxes lack common sense when it comes to functioning in a large and crowded gym. So I have crafted this handy list of gym etiquette tips for their benefit:

·      Unless you are Gwyneth Paltrow or Cameron Diaz, your midriff should be covered at all times outside the locker room. If I wanted to stare at belly buttons, I would have gone to the beach.

·      If you are an out of shape 60-year old lady, please do not take your clothes off at your locker and then walk naked to the shower. Either take your clothes off in the shower or put a towel around you when you change at your locker. No one wants to see that.

·      The benches between the lockers are for changing, not reading. In fact, perhaps you could find a more appropriate place to hang out and read than the gym locker room.

·      The muscles you should be working on the bike are in your legs, not in your mouth.

·      There is limited mirror space in the locker room. Don’t bring 6 different lotions to put on your face at the gym. No one needs that many lotions to begin with, and you’re hogging the space.

·       If you insist on changing in the shower, you should have your membership revoked. There are limited showers, and pre-work hours, there are always people waiting. This tip should not be confused with the above tips regarding covering up: put a towel on, come out to the locker area, and change with minimal time of nudity.

Enjoy your workouts, ladies!